Mars versus Venus
-I beg for forgiveness for what I’m getting myself into right now, but sitting here on my red-eye flight, Hondouras bound, bored out of my mind, tired without Wifi or any alcohol, my fingers just started typing. Out of control. Yes, I know. Sorry. But here we go:
Question:
Why is it, that when a woman finally gives herself over to a man and goes beyond 1st. base with him, she 9 out of 10 times feels more connected to him while the complete opposite situation is happening for the man? I mean, we are researching cancer, rocket science and trying to find the cure for AIDS. What about spending a little time figuring out what the difference is between male and female (the obvious aside)? I know, this might be a teenage observation and I should know better. However, it is a subject that fascinates me over and over again and makes me – and most other people getting our ‘player game’ on.
Here is the deal:
He will pursue you for a long time. and finally, when you give in and give him a piece of the apple pie, he doesn’t give a ‘beep’ anymore. I guess it must have to do with the hunter in every man. Chase the pray, hit it, and then run. Or rather leave it bleeding in the field for the dogs and birds to feast on.
For females it’s different. Unless, of course we are just fooling around. I will always make him work for it if I think this might be a man that I could potentially really like. Someone I would like to know better. However, I’m not really sure how you can tell the difference between the ‘fun-just-fooling-around-with-guy’ and the ‘wow-I-wanna-have-your-children-guy’ except It must be the ‘je nest sais qoui’ that elevates one from the other. EIther way, I’m still in a funk about by how the random meeting with the, in your diluted universe, perfect male, can change your life in a shot and break your heart like nobody’s business.
You know what I am talking about: The facebook stalking, the googling, the hanging around his neighborhood hoping to casually bump into him in your die-hard just purchased on credit outfit. Checking your phone and making sure you look stunning 24/7. Why does he not call? Let me rephrase that: why does he not bbm or text after the most amazing night in history? Seriously, how can he refrain? Well, get your shit together bitch: You are trying way to hard. For him the excitement vaporized the moment you let him hit that. Unless a man is mature and ready to find a partner on his own time he will never, and let me emphasize that , NEVER settle. He might be 25, he might be 55. You will only be a deflowered rose on his path of many roses.
So what to do? Who wants to plan who they fall for? Match.com or E-Harmony anyone? I mean, I’ve met a lot of husband material out there (not online – had to put that in there) and even almost considered tying the knot one time (Thanks God I didn’t!). But looking good on paper does not mate make in my world. I will not settle for less than fireworks. And fireworks don’t live on my block these days.
I see plenty of people settling without really being happy. It’s painful to watch. I don’t get it. Yes, you might share a lot of history together, but remember that you have to focus on the future and not what is behind you. And ‘comfortable’ is just as unattractive and ‘yawn’ as ‘good on paper’.
Anyways, if anybody out there has some answers, or fireworks for that matter, please share. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is wondering about Venus and Mars on a regular basis.
and with that I sign out
peace
xx KK
I am so happy to be married! And yeah we are feeling comfortable and I guess on paper we look like the perfect couple.
But I am married to my best friend. With him I am truly FREE. We trust each other, give each other space, respect each other, forgive each other and we look after eachother.
The quick fix thrill can be found so easily and I guess it has a more exciting sound to it… But I got married to the smartest, sweetest and sexiest boy on the block. He is not flawless and neither am I. Fireworks are only occasionally but there is a constant flow of peace and love and I actually think I rate this higher than anything else!
Short version: He’s just “fooling around” just like women do cf your somewhat contradictory statement:
“For females it’s different. Unless, of course we are just fooling around.”
So basically it just comes down to timing i.e. make sure to meet someone when he or she is not fooling around.
In the case of American men, the major cause of this is that the woman is too aggressive or experienced. To be something other than a short term piece of meat or a long term place-holder for an American man, you have to be the image of his mother. It doesn’t matter if his mother loved anal sex. (She never told him anyway). It’s the image that counts.
Change your uniform; change your behavior; develop an Illinois accent; and before you fuck him, break down and sob and say “I’ve never done this before” and afterwards, do the same and say, “I feel so cheap”. That will usually put the guy on the defensive.
Good luck. It’s an ugly world, out there.
Hence, “the rules”
@Mette: Sounds very inspiring and lovely what you have found and cultivated together. I’m especially inspired by the word ‘Free’ in your post, hence I feel freedom is something very tough to find in a relationship. Control usually comes into play after a short while, which long term will kill the love and playfulness. At least that is my perception.
I’m super happy for you and I guess one could say as much as a man needs to be ready for commitment, so does a woman 😉
@Anders: you are right and my post is just an observation that I bluntly felt like sharing one night when caught on a flight with insomnia. However, when you finally fall for someone I think you become blind to a lot of clues that could tell you whether your subject of adoration is just fooling around or ready to rock’n’roll long term. And that is why it the whole game comes into play since everyone is trying to protect there precious little hearts… Yeah, I know: kinda pathetic. Should just be ‘all in or nothing at all’ 😉
@Mac: haha that is a funny, but obvi true statement (I think…???). Also, I have a feeling that this not only counts for US guys, but Euros as well. Hmmmm I will spread this among my female friends and see how this piece of advice works in reality. Thanks for sharing 😉