Audition Baby!

Today was the first day of auditioning in….. how long…? Well, let’s just say in a while. It took me a week and a half to settle back into LA after 8 weeks abroad. (San Francisco, Ibiza, Copenhagen, Rome). So no need to say my nerves were messing with me this morning. And even though I know how to take a big breath and ‘let it all out’ I made a complete fool out myself at my AM casting; Casting Director: ”Kristina, please tell something about yourself!” Me: ”Well, err Hi, I’m Kristina and eeerrrr I’m Danish”. My creative and fantastic way with words really bedazzled everyone at that audition today. Congrats my girl! Here is your ”Don’t call us we call you” cue to leave the audition room. NOW!

I thought some things get easier the better and wiser you get… But I guess it’s like love; there’s no text book result or ‘right’ way. You have to find you own path … And not every time is a match in heaven.

Wanting to change my name, move to Australia, loose 10 pounds and get a haircut I bulldoze down Beverly Blvd while debating if I should go and eat 5 chocolate York Mint Patties or go to the gym. (don’t tell me women can’t multitask!). I decide on the gym and already start to feel good about myself again putting on my brand new sneakers and mounting my new favorite gizmo The Power Plate. This might be an ok day after all and after 30 minutes of PP and a trip to the steaming rooms I’m feeling up for my after lunch audition in the Valley.

However, my new, old-school Ford Bronco truck has different plans with me this afternoon. Well over Mulholland Drive passing intoValley Village the Bronco starts jumping like a wild rodeo bull. Twisting, grinding and turning until it comes to a complete stop. I manage to ‘tame’ it into an auto shop where it collapses with a long sigh. ”If I can get my car today? No-no. they’ll give me a shout tomorrow.” Great!

Here I am with all my good intentions, stuck in deeeeeep Valley in 95 degress, with no car, wearing my black, super skinny jeans, high heels a gym bag and my Balenciaga purse. Wrong location for right outfit? I think so. Oh and did I mention I’m starving! Where the effing God is the subway or the cab service when you need it??? My Kingdom to be in NYC right now…..

The sweet mechanic Azzis offers to give me a lift and he drops me off at my audition. And one hour late, sweating like a pig, messy hair I step into a foyer packed with ladies all here auditioning for the same part. Funny how these joints always smell of self-tanner, nail polish, hair spray and discount eau de toilette. And why are girls out here obsessing with fake eyelashes, overblown hair styles and cheap heels? I take a peak at my call sheet: ”Classy, sophisticated and sexy” and then a quick glance in the mirror before my name is called. How about: ”worn-out, smelly and slutty”…?

Bob and Charlie the two tanned gents, both in white shirts and jeans (don’t knock the partner look till you’ve tried it), show a lot of patience with moi inside the theater. A lot more than my sorry ass deserves and I even get a thank you for my time before I stumble out into the 95 degrees again.

At Starbucks waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up a bum starts hitting on me. Seriously!

… Jump cut to me now – post dinner scenario – greasy makeup off – Chardonnay on the rocks in hand and gummi bears on my night table. Suddenly life in LA feels pretty good again.

Am I expecting any call backs from my auditions? Uhhm not really? Except the call back from Azzis the mechanic in the Valley who charges 75 bucks an hour to diagnose my car. Ouch!

Anyways, that’s not until tomorrow.

Good night from the Hills